Today's "Crab" Session

I'm a big fan of food. (Someone's put sodium pentothol in Frenchy's afternoon Old Fashioned again!) Not just eating it but preparing it talking about it and watching folks on the TV preparing it. What I find aggrivating is watching these guys on TV telling you about this "great recipe" that you "must try" and then giving you a recipe that calls for Ceylonese monkey nuts or shredded orchid petals or something that you would never have in your house and even if you did go out and buy some, it comes in a package that you wouldn't use up in 3 lifetimes. Why can't they give us recipes that use things that we might already have in our fridge? 

Can someone please send me a recipe that calls for these items from my fridge? 2 slices of smoked turkey, 1 container of Chobani pineapple yougurt, a bottle of Cholula sauce, 1/3 bottle of queen-sized (go figure) olives (minus two for tonight's martini) and a 1/2 bottle of Tio Pepe sherry?

If Ted Allen, Alex Guarnischelli, Donatella Arpaia, Bobby Flay or Cat Cora can make something out of that I'd be impressed!