Friday, May 22, 2009

Memorial Day Barbecue Drinking Game


You are only a few hours away from a three day holiday weekend, ladies! Can I get a “what what”?! Memorial Day Weekend is the official kick-off to summer, which means only one thing: it’s time to get a bikini wax the inevitable family BBQ.

Truth: You love hot dogs off the grill
: Your family is ridiculous and you’d much rather spend the time with people who don’t make inappropriate jokes about hot dogs. Or at least people who make funny inappropriate jokes about hot dogs. And are under the age of 65.
: College Candy’s Memorial Day Family BBQ Drinking Game

Because Great Uncle Bert’s war stories (a war which he was not in) are easier to listen to when you’ve got Bud Light coursing through your veins. The best part? You can play alone and, being that you leave the BBQ with a killer buzz, you always end up the winner.

What you will need:
A case of domestic beer (we’re celebrating America, aren’t we?)
Various other alcoholic beverages
Your drinking hat

Let’s Play:
- Chug your first beer if you are the only single person there (over the age of 16)/chug your first beer if you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, but they are playing this game at their own family BBQ

- Take a shot every time someone asks you if you are dating someone.

- Take another if they don’t at least feign surprise when you say you are not.

- Take a double shot every time someone asks what you’re studying and/or what you plan to do now that you’ve graduated.

- Mix and drink a screwdriver every time your mother nags about your lack of job or job prospects (”What are you going to do with a Communications degree!?”). You’re screwed in this market, anyway.

- Take a Kamikaze shot every time grandpa mentions his time in WW2.

- Pour one for our fallen heroes if anyone even mentions the real purpose of Memorial Day.

- Bring out the beer bong if someone starts talking about ‘Ole Dubya (George W. Bush).

- Take a drink every time someone says something that could be taken sexually and someone immature (i.e. you) giggles/responds with “that’s what she said.”

- Have a shot of whiskey every time your father/uncle/grandfather/brother almost burns off their eyebrows or arm hair with the grill.

- Take a sip every time your father/uncle/grandfather/brother talks about how he is the master of the grill and no one can grill up meat like him.

- Assign three drinks to anyone who says they are on a diet and only want salad.

- Put down your drink and start crying if someone comments on how much you are eating/how you should be on a diet.

- Polish off whatever is open and not finished if grandma/some other woman in your family leaves a big, wet lipstick print on your cheek when she says goodbye.

By the end of the night, your family should be bearable and your legs should feel like Jell-0. A Memorial Day BBQ victory!

Ron Reagan on El Flush-bowl

From Dan Savage:

"Limbaugh hasn't had a natural erection since the Nixon Administration; think he's compensating for something? Now, I wouldn't pick on him for any of this stuff, not his blubbiness, not his man-boobs, not his inability to have a natural erection—none of that stuff—to me, off limits until! until! Mr. Limbaugh, you turn that sort of gun on somebody else—once you start doing that, you're fair game, fat boy. Absolutely, you jiggly pile of mess. You're just fair game, and you're going to get it, too." - Ron Reagan Jr., responding to Rush Limbaugh saying that putting a photo of Nancy Pelosi in every hotel room would cut the nation's birth rate, because no man could get it up with her face visible.

Studio Portraits

The Bowl Haircut Family

Broadway, here I come...

Runs filling station at yacht club in Tennessee

Hey... this paper is torn!

This girl is 3 years old

See above


Mommy's little helper, from outer space

TPT (The Poor Thing)

Wait till she grows up and finds this lurking on the Internets

"Star of the day, who will it be..."

Cat-eye glasses rock

Football jerseys, mullets and gaussian blurring, Oh My!

This look ain't working Chad!

Used on weekends as a tire brush

Granny got moves

Put on your best gold toof honey!


Tron Girl

Another oh-so-popular Mullet

Don't bother to dress up Doll

Mullet and big gold(en) class ring

Currently serving 20 to 30 for mutilating farm animals...

Reason for above problem

A massive beehive. Nice job!


Off to the mall to do a little shopping

You will do as I command earthling!

Thursday, May 21, 2009

My First "Linkback"!!

While going through my weekly blog stats I discovered that someone has linked to my blog on theirs. Katie's Blog has posted my blog as a link she watches. Her site is about beading and mine is generally about bead reading. Sounds kinda appropos, ne c'est pas? Thanks Katie and I hope you enjoy it.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

This Week in Holy Crimes


Over the last seven days.....

West Virginia: Pastor Sandy Martin Cook sentenced to 20 - 60 years in prison for child molestation.
Alabama: Youth Pastor Charles Miller pleads guilty to possession of child pornography, may get 15 years in prison.
Connecticut: Pastor Vernitt Hoheb charged with sexual assault on 16 year-old parishioner.
Massachusetts: Pastor Ana Paula Almeida charged with rape of 13 year-old.
Wisconsin: Pastor David J. Fogderud convicted of obstruction of justice in an altercation at a Burger King where he harassed two teen boys and demanded they accompany him to a Christian rock concert.
Rwanda: Father Emmanuel Uwayezu charged with war crimes in massacre of over 60 students at the Catholic school where he was headmaster.

This week's winner:
Florida: Pastor Robert Riddle will go to prison for 15 years for exploitation of the elderly unless he pays back the $90,000 he embezzled from a 91 year-old woman. The woman's family only agreed to the probation deal because they desperately need the money back to keep her in the assisted-living elderly home where she lives. Riddle has resigned from his church in another scandal over the purchase of a $300,000 personal aircraft. In 1988 he was sentenced to five years in prison for defrauding an Alabama church.

The lady doth protest too much, methinks

According to this researcher homophobes are more turned on by gay porn than non-homophobes. Perhaps there is something these brutes would like to say??? Don't you just love clinical research?

Monday, May 18, 2009

Fun Pix Monday!

Can someone say "combover"?

Tough guys play Twister too

Cool dude

I'm not touching this one...

Truth in advertising?

See above


Nice nails Doll!

The tree is keeping her from falling over

Oh dear!


Equality Now!

Don't forget to ask about the cellar

Hey Babe!

Clown Loaf

Take the makeup away from Nana

A massive beehive

Have you seen this guy on TV? He's Cray-zay!

Thanks to the GOP!

I'll be out in back...


The Empire Cuts Back

Hey Dude... open a window

Balancing act