The phrase 'read it and weep" takes on a painful meaning:
Clay and his partner of 20 years, Harold, lived in California. Clay and Harold made diligent efforts to protect their legal rights, and had their legal paperwork in place-wills, powers of attorney, and medical directives, all naming each other. Harold was 88 years old and in frail medical condition, but still living at home with Clay, 77, who was in good health.One evening, Harold fell down the front steps of their home and was taken to the hospital. Based on their medical directives alone, Clay should have been consulted in Harold's care from the first moment. Tragically, county and health care workers instead refused to allow Clay to see Harold in the hospital. The county then ultimately went one step further by isolating the couple from each other, placing the men in separate nursing homes.
Ignoring Clay's significant role in Harold's life, the county continued to treat Harold like he had no family and went to court seeking the power to make financial decisions on his behalf. Outrageously, the county represented to the judge that Clay was merely Harold's "roommate." The court denied their efforts, but did grant the county limited access to one of Harold's bank accounts to pay for his care.
What happened next is even more chilling: without authority, without determining the value of Clay and Harold's possessions accumulated over the course of their 20 years together or making any effort to determine which items belonged to whom, the county took everything Harold and Clay owned and auctioned off all of their belongings. Adding further insult to grave injury, the county removed Clay from his home and confined him to a nursing home against his will. The county workers then terminated Clay and Harold's lease and surrendered the home they had shared for many years to the landlord.
Three months after he was hospitalized, Harold died in the nursing home. Because of the county's actions, Clay missed the final months he should have had with his partner of 20 years. Compounding this tragedy, Clay has literally nothing left of the home he had shared with Harold or the life he was living up until the day that Harold fell, because he has been unable to recover any of his property. The only memento Clay has is a photo album that Harold painstakingly put together for Clay during the last three months of his life.
This should not have happened!
My friend Betty, who works for an elder care agency on the Cape wrote to me in response to this post. she said:
ReplyDeleteAs a geriatric social worker I, and my colleagues, are dedicated to this issue. I have personally worked on a case where this same scenario played out. Wanted you to know that professionals in this field feel very strongly about this. We have had two trainings just recently on this subject.
I live in New York, which I usually think of as a fairly progressive state (despite gay marriage still not being legal, but I'll rant about that another time). Last year, Governor Paterson signed the Marriage Equality Act which is supposed to grant the rights of a "traditional" married couple to a gay/lesbian couple that has married out of the state of New York. Essentially, it is recognizing their marriage as a valid marriage.
ReplyDeleteFriends of mine (and residents of NY), however, were married in Maine a couple of years ago after 26 years together. One passed away last summer, and even though most of the traditional rights transferred (ie: pension, property, etc), the IRS would not recognize their marriage. The IRS (and therefore the NYS Tax Dept as well) follows federal law which, of course, recognizes nothing. In the end, the surviving partner had to pay estate taxes on the full value of their joint assets, their home, car, bank accounts, etc, as well on the full value of his diceased husband's pension. He ended up having to sell their house just to pay the amount the IRS wanted. It was devistating.
The subject of money is quite minor when compared to your story above. I think it proves, however, that there is no substitution to legalized gay marriage. Marriage is marriage.
I feel sad for Clay and Harrold. It's heartbreaking that they had to go through this, and I feel just as sad for every other couple currently going through it and the many more that will before something is changed.