Like my friend Anne says... "Florida..."

Drunk Florida man admits shooting up public docks and then poops pants

From RawStory.com

An Orlando man was recently arrested after he defecated in his own pants while admitting to police that the he shot up a public dock.

According to an arrest report published by TCPalm on Tuesday, the Indian River County Sheriff’s Office responded to a report of shots fired near the Gifford Docks in Vero Beach at around 9:20 p.m. on April 9 and found 44-year-old Michael Johnston.

The Orlando man verified that he had been drinking and firing weapons, and gave the officer permission to search the trunk of his car for a .45 caliber black powder pistol and a .40 caliber Glock pistol. Johnston explained that he had consumed at least eight alcoholic beverages, but said that the two cans of Colt 45 had been “too many apparently!”

The police report also indicated that a second man had been with Johnston at the docks.

After being read his Miranda rights, Johnston told the deputy that both men had been “drinking and shooting.”

“I am impaired,” the suspect reportedly said.

“Johnston was swaying while I was speaking to him due to his intoxication and defecated in his pants, which he admitted was from his intoxication,” the deputy wrote.

The charging document stated that at least 20 rounds were fired from both firearms at a glass bottle, resulting in “bullet holes and ricochet damage caused from multiple bullets on the dock’s walkway and pillars.”

“The dock shit is my shit!” Johnston said, referring to the bullet holes, not the poop in his pants.

He was charged with using a firearm under the influence of alcohol and criminal mischief, both misdemeanors. The deputy said that the damage to the docks was an “eyesore” and would need to be repaired “due to the negative impression that will be seen by visitors of county docks.”