Wednesday, April 24, 2013

The George W Bush Fortress of Ineptitude

Monument to a Dirtbag

The Fortress of Ineptitude
The media will be fixated tomorrow on the opening of the $250 million ("Just put it on someone's credit card, we'll pay for it later") George W. Bush Terrible President Library at Southern Methodist University. It's an imposing structure, and I can't imagine what the hell they've filled its 207,000 square-feet with. I have a few ideas, though, for what I'd put on display. 

This is just a partial list:
• The 'Mission Accomplished' banner and the codpiece he wore ten years ago when he declared that major combat operations had ended in Iraq even though they continued for the rest of his presidency.
• The chair in which he sat, frozen, at Booker Elementary School on 9/11 after he was told "America is under attack." Also his dog-eared copy of "The Pet Goat."
• A bag of pretzels, of course.
• On a continuous loop in the lobby: a recording of the push-poll question his campaign used to destroy John McCain in 2000…
"Would you be more likely or less likely to vote for John McCain for president if you knew he had fathered an illegitimate black child?"
...just to show visiting school kids what a classy guy Bush is.

• A piece of the birthday cake he shared with John McCain in Phoenix as the levees were busting open in New Orleans.
• The golf club he swung immediately after vowing to "stop these terrorist killers."
• The 2005 "Can I go pee?" note he scribbled to Condi Rice at the United Nations.
• The Segway he fell off of in 2003.
• A credit card bill forwarded from the White House to "The People of the United States of America" with a balance of $10 trillion.
• The August 6, 2001 PDB: Bin Laden Determined to Attack Inside US.
• Some aluminum tubes.
• The vial of baby powder Colin Powell used to scare us to death at the United Nations.
• The best of FEMA Director Michael Brown's Katrina emails, including "I am a fashion god" and "Can I quit now? Can I go home?"
• A photo collage of the U.S. soldiers who died during the Iraq war underneath a sign that says, "Oops!"
• The shoes that were thrown at him by a journalist during his last visit to Iraq.
• The shirt Bill Clinton was wearing in Haiti when Bush used it as a rag to wipe a commoner's cooties off his hand in 2010.

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