|Blondie Burnett, 38 (Oh... Okay..)|
Blondie Bennett, the 38-year-old (that’s your cue to pause, look at that picture again, pause and blurt out, “Well, okay then,” with your eyes) plastic California blossom who not only wants to be as plastic as a Barbie doll, but wants to be as brainless as one too.
Tricks who replace all the water and blood in their bodies with plastic and silicone to look like Barbie are a dime a dozen and every time I refresh The Daily Mail I see another one. But Blondie Bennett is really taking shit all the way, because she tells Barcroft Media and The Daily Mail that she’s undergoing hypnotherapy to be as brainless as Barbie. Okay, if it’s your life goal to be dumb as shit, aren’t you already dumb as shit, but you’re just too dumb to know that? Hmm, once I get hypnotherapy to be smarter, I will answer that question.
Blondie (insert DebbieHarrySideEye.jpg here) has already spent almost $50,000 on 5 surgeries to get her tits inflated to size 32JJ and she had chin surgery to make her face look more doll-like. Courtney Stodden’s future gets the money from sugar daddies who are plastic fetishists and get off on her dressing like a Barbie.
And now, once a week she sees a hypnotherapist who is supposedly helping her to be more ditzy and vacant.
“When people ask why I want to be Barbie I think who wouldn’t want to be? She has the best life. All she does is shop and make herself look pretty – she doesn’t worry about anything. I’ve had 20 session and I’m already starting to feel ditzy and confused all the time. Recently I went to pick a friend up at the airport and couldn’t remember if I needed to go to departures or arrivals. I also got lost for three hours driving to my mum’s house – the house where I grew up.”
So, bitch thinks she’s getting dumber because she gets lost going to her mom’s house and doesn’t know the difference between departures and arrivals? That happens to me and I’ve never had hypnotherapy to be dumber. (“But you’re naturally dumb and smoke a lot of the good shit” – you “I can never accuse you of not having a point” – me) But what kind of Dollar Tree hypnotherapist agreed to this mess? That’s not a licensed hynpotherapist. That’s somebody’s cousin running a scam on Blondie Bennett’s ass. Besides, if she wanted to get dumber she could do so in the comfort of her own home by watching a marathon of Keeping Up with the Kardashians and following that up with a marathon of #RichKids of Beverly Hills. Any brain cells she has left will turn to ether.
And doesn’t Blondie Bennett know that Barbie isn’t dumb. Bitch is an astronaut and a teacher and a dentist and a doctor and a nurse and a surgeon and a vet and an Air Force jet pilot and a firefighter and President of the United States and a computer engineer and a serious business woman! If Blondie really knew Barbie, she wouldn’t be trying to get dumber. She’d be getting degree after degree on University of Phoenix online!
No, Blondie Bennett doesn’t look like Barbie at all. She looks more like a Yellow Pages Landers Sister impersonator, which is hotter. But whatever, reach for your dreams of being as dumb as a Hilton, Blondie!